Description

Relationships, motherhood, children, husband, work and friends.

When we women get bruised, how do we react to things which are sometimes hurtful but, thankfully seldom long lasting?
An impactful monolog written for a stand-up comedienne, a DramaShare customer. One of our most popular scripts.

Cast: 1, written for female

Bible Reference: Ephesians 1:6-7

Set: standard

Sound: wireless mics if available

Song: none

Lighting: standard

SFX: none

Props: none

Costumes: standard

Special Instructions: none

Time: 20

Sample of script:

Actress walks on stage

Actress:
Hi, it’s me again! You guys are looking good out there!
(pause)
Me? Doin’ good actually. Really quite good.
(pause)
Well, not really good. Had an interesting day.
Got a minute?
See, I had a little run in with my teenage daughter.
Man, teenagers today, you would not believe! It’s like they think they’ve got all the answers, you know what I mean?
I tell, her, “Pamela”, that’s what I call her.
Well, actually, what else would I call her, her name is Pamela.
Anyway I say, “Pamela, chilly out this morning, better wear a jacket hun!”
You’da thought I was asking for her to give up the next twelve years of her life as a missionary to Outer Mongolia!
“None of my friends hafta wear clunky coats, Mom!”
“What gives with you, Mom, how come you want to embarrass me in front of all my friends!”
But it’s OK, Pamela and I compromised, we did it my way.
I think the turning point of our conversation was when I appealed to her sense of fairness.
I said, “Wear your jacket and we will go buy that cool stereo system you’ve been asking for.”
I find that kids react well to logic when presented in that way.

And, well, my hubby, he calls, says “sweetie, I’m tied up in a meeting, won’t be home for lunch”.
Not home for lunch?
I beg your pardon?
Not home for this masterpiece on which I have spent almost four hours of careful, loving diligence?
And he stands there with his teeth in his mouth and says, “sweetie, I won’t be home for lunch”?
Look Bubba, I’ll give you a “sweetie”!
Pow!

And I had a call from my publisher.
(pause)
You didn’t know I was a writer? Oh, yeh, got three books published.
Not like, published published, not like Silhouette or Harlequin or some of the big name publishers.
More like vanity press.
OK, you must know, I have to pay them to print my books. But it’s working for me. My last book went into fourth printing. Ten books in each printing. Pretty much on my way to a career as an author I’m thinking.
Anyway, my publisher calls, said she had read my new manuscript.
Said it showed promise.
“Showed promise”?
I beg your pardon?
Saying “showed promise” is like “major surgery required”!
And let me tell you, this sucker is pure highlight reel writing, let me tell you!
I sweat bullets over every word, every comma, every period.
Where’s she coming from, “showed promise”?
Doesn’t watch herself I’m gonna go out get me a new vanity press publisher! . . . . Maybe. . . . . .
I might.

That’s not enough, my son’s teacher calls, tells me Ronnie and another little Grade 3 boy just had a fight on the playground.
Ronnie?
My little angel?
Fighting?
I don’t think so Tim!
My son has class!
My son does not, I repeat, does not fight!
My son is the image of all that is good and pure and righteous and honorable in this sad world.
So don’t feed me this line!
It was not my son Ronald!
You, you unfortunate, overworked, underpaid teacher, you were mistaken, the fatigue factor has made you believe it was my Ronald, when in fact it was another young boy who looked very much like my darling Ronald, except not so gorgeous, of course.

Are you getting a sense for where my day is going?
And it’s not over yet.
I’m on my way here, driving, thinking of all the things I’m going to say, things to motivate, stimulate and move you guys.
Hey, in rehearsal I was better than you can believe!
Anyways, I’m driving along, rehearsing, thinking.
I am good!
In rehearsals you guys were impressed!
So try to live up to your rehearsal form, OK?

Where was I?
Oh, yeh, driving.
Coming down Route 18, and I’m into a real heavy part of my talk – watch for it, be ready, don’t miss it, OK?
Anyways, I’m driving along, hands flailing, in my mind I’m pressing this very important issue.
Which is no problem, OK?
Problem is, in reality what I was pressing was the accelerator.
I’m getting ready for the punch line – I gotta tell you, it’s outta sight, watch for it, it’ll be along soon!
Anyways, just as I started into the punch line I hear this siren.
Think to myself, “that’s strange, I didn’t have any special effects planned for this talk!”
Just then I look in my rearview mirror, wanted to be sure I looked OK for you guys.
How do I look, OK, d’ya think?
Sorry, anyways, I look in my rearview mirror, there’s a police car behind me. I think, must be he’s goin’ to a fire, I better step on it, get outta his way!
Big mistake, turns out.